My nemesises….nemesis…nemesi? Whatever…The humans have planted a tree in the big room in the front of our home. They put all sorts of shiny balls and twinkly, dangly things….right in my eye site. They chase me every chance they get. They celebrated Crismus? Is that what they call it? They celebrated it by giving each other boxes of colorful paper. They chased me away from that to. Crismus is a holiday where you give things to other humans? What about your feline overlords? You plant a tree in the room and expect me to not destroy all of your precious shiny dangly things? You tear this colorful paper up and throw it right in my face, then don’t expect me to play with it? You humans baffle me. For one day, though, you left me in peace. I appreciate that. Enjoy your Crismus but please next year leave the tree outside if you don’t want me to climb it. Oh yes…and of course…Die.
Whether it’s a trashy TV show, extra-pulpy fiction, or nutrient-free candy, write a thank-you note to your guiltiest guilty pleasure.
I want to thank the creators of The Walking Dead for creating The Walking Dead. Aw hell… Who am I kidding? I’m not grateful. I’m spiteful. I do think they do a great job showing my dream of humans not being around though. So many different ways. If only my “family” knew how much I want to see them get zombified. For now, I will bide my time. They’ll feed me and pet me (when I let them of course). And I will Wait… Wait… Wait… and mew and well… Wait some more. Soon, humans…Soon…. You can haz your own cheezburger (such a shame they put my species through that…)
A bird, a plane, you!
You get to choose one superpower. Pick one of these, and
explain your choice: the ability to speak and understand any
language, the ability to travel through time, or the ability to
make any two people agree with each other.
I already have the ability to speak and understand the big hairy creature’s language. I just refuse to give in to he and his kind’s pleas for communication. They feed me. They clean up my poop. If I show them that I can communicate, I lose my advantage. I have got to keep that advantage if I want to end their civilization with my feline brethren. My friend is an orange cat. I think his name is Tom. Aren’t they call called Tom though? I communicate with him every time they open the front door long enough for me to poke out.
If your life were a movie, what would its soundtrack be like? What songs, instrumental pieces, and other sound effects would be featured on the official soundtrack album?
My mew-vie soundtrack would be the sounds of the humans either accepting their feline overlords or dying. What else would it be? I guess they could put it to the sound of one of those epic ambient pieces or something. What do I know? I’m a cat. Their dying cries would be enough for me and my kind. I’ll take anything but what that creature in my house does on his stringy wooden thing. Anything but that! Why does he torture me so? Maybe to annoy him, what my “mother” (heh….she thinks she’s my mom…we don’t look alike at all) listens to would suffice?
I must say that I just love boxes. Everything about them is appealing to me. The way I can lay on them. The way I can get inside of them. The way I can knock them down so that the humans can trip over them when they wake up in the morning. Why let a fun moment go to waste?
I really love my kitty time. I love to play and play and play. The humans only seem to wake up when I’m having too much fun though. I really liked the little human’s bulbous toy that rocks back and forth while I claw at it. The big hairy human calls it a punching bag. I’ll punch holes in it and see what happens. They have the weirdest toys.
The hairy human wouldn’t wake up last night, despite my calling him as loud as I could. It just wouldn’t budge. So, I figure I will leave it a special note in my native tongue since it suddenly doesn’t understand it. Enjoy the puke on your seat when you’re eating your vittles in the morning….HUMAN!
April 20….The humans celebrate a weird day called Eeestar….I don’t know what this is all about….or where they find the crazy birds that poop out those eggs….but I really need to find out.